Care Is Not Submission. It’s Skill.

Journal entries are where care is examined slowly, without performance, and without fear.

Care is not submission. Care is skill. It is learned, practiced, and refined over time. When care is mistaken for weakness, it is usually because the labor of care has been rendered invisible, undervalued, or rushed past in favor of louder traits.

However, skill does not announce itself. Instead, it shows up quietly. It stabilizes rooms. It notices shifts before collapse. It holds tension without forcing release. In this way, care functions less like obedience and more like craftsmanship.

Care Is Not Submission When It Is Chosen, Not Extracted

Submission removes agency. Care requires it. Although the two are often confused, they move in opposite directions. Submission asks for compliance. Care asks for discernment.

Across many traditions, wisdom draws this line clearly. An Akan proverb teaches, “The one who learns, teaches.” Care follows the same logic. It flows from knowledge, not erasure.

Therefore, when care becomes compulsory, it loses its moral weight. When care is expected without reciprocity, it stops being relational and starts becoming transactional. That shift damages trust.

Why Care Is a Skill, Not a Disposition

Skill develops through repetition and correction. Care operates the same way. It requires timing, restraint, emotional regulation, and situational awareness.

Scripture echoes this truth plainly: “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40). Order is not domination. It is attentiveness. It is knowing what to do, when to do it, and when not to.

As a result, care becomes an act of wisdom rather than self-sacrifice. It learns when to step forward and when to step back. It listens without disappearing.

When Care Is Misread as Submission

Care is often misinterpreted because it does not seek applause. Instead, it works behind the scenes. It anticipates needs. It prevents harm before it becomes visible.

Consequently, cultures that reward spectacle over stability tend to misunderstand care. Loud assertion is mistaken for strength, while quiet maintenance is dismissed as compliance.

Yet households, communities, and institutions survive because someone is practicing care skillfully, not because someone is dominating the room.

Care Is Not Submission in Healthy Relationships

In healthy relationships, care flows in multiple directions. It adjusts. It responds. It remains accountable.

By contrast, submission flows one way. It silences feedback. It discourages correction. It resists mutual growth.

That distinction matters. Care builds trust because it includes boundaries. Submission erodes trust because it removes them.

The Training Gap Around Care

This training gap creates unnecessary conflict. Without instruction, people rely on imitation. Unfortunately, imitation often reproduces imbalance.

Care, when taught properly, becomes sustainable. It respects limits. It honors rest. It reinforces dignity on both sides of the exchange.

Reclaiming Care as Competence

Care deserves to be named as competence. It deserves language, respect, and protection.

An Ethiopian proverb reminds us, “When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” Care deepens roots. It does not shrink people.

Therefore, reclaiming care means refusing narratives that frame attentiveness as weakness. It also means rejecting systems that extract care without honoring the caregiver.

Care Is Not Submission. It Is Stewardship.

Stewardship implies responsibility without erasure. It requires strength without dominance. Care, at its best, operates in this space.

It steadies households. It stabilizes communities. It preserves futures quietly.

Care is not submission. It is skill practiced with intention.