Part 4 of “Legacy in Motion: Building the Foundation”

The Power Struggle

This phase is normal. Infatuation fades and reality returns. Differences feel larger. The goal is not to win. The goal is to learn how to repair and protect respect while you work through conflict.

I am writing from practice, mistakes, and correction. Use what helps you stay honest and keep the bond healthy.

What It Looks Like

• Small issues feel big. Tone shifts. Patience shortens.
• Old habits show up under stress. Assumptions replace questions.
• Disagreements loop without closure. The same argument returns in different words.

Shift The Target

Move from me versus you to us versus the problem. Name the issue in simple terms. Agree on the outcome you both want. Build a short plan. Keep it specific and measurable.

Tools That Deescalate

• Pause and label: call a timeout when heat rises. Name the feeling and return when calm.
• I statements: speak to impact and need. Avoid blame and global language like always and never.
• One issue at a time: solve the current problem. Do not stack grievances.
• Repair attempts: appreciation, a gentle touch, or a short apology can reset the tone.
• Time box: agree to revisit if you hit a wall. Stalemates drain respect.

Boundaries That Protect Respect

No insults. No threats. No public arguments. No using private information as leverage. If anger spikes, pause. The relationship cannot carry contempt. Choose language you can defend later.

Communication Rhythm During Conflict

Keep messages short and clear if emotions run high. Prefer voice over text for sensitive topics. Schedule hard talks when both can focus. End with a summary of what each will do next.

Outside Noise

Advice is often projection. Seek counsel that builds character and skills. Do not outsource decisions that belong to the two of you. If something is unclear, ask each other first.

When Space Helps

Short, agreed space can cool tempers and return clarity. State the time window and the goal. Space is for regulation, not punishment. Return on time and resume with respect.

The Groundwork Reflection

• What is the real problem beneath our pattern. Control. Fear. Unmet need.
• What part of this cycle do I own. What will I do differently next time.
• What repair action can I take today. Apology. Clarification. Follow through.

Note: informed by research on conflict repair and deescalation from the Greater Good Science Center.

Continue the Journey

Or read the companion perspectives later in the series: From a Woman’s Perspective and From a Man’s Perspective.